I host a women's bible study in my home every Thursday morning with an amazing group of women. You'd love them. They're your sort of people. Funny, generous, real and.....tired. We all get tired don't we? Especially juggling the wife/mother/daughter/active member of community scenario.
Some of us work outside the home, others are at home full-time, some have husbands who travel extensively for work, others have husbands who work long hours, some have infants or are pregnant, some have primary aged children. Whatever unique circumstances we each bring to the table, we are all united by our need for encouragement, coffee, chocolate and fellowship.
To cut a long story short, I'm writing a bible study for us which I'm hoping will be gritty and real and practical. One of the biggest challenges facing us in motherhood are feelings of isolation and inadequacy. The thought that "Everyone is doing it better than me" and "Why is this SO hard??" and "Is this normal??" and "Is this all there is?". {Often followed by "Where's the chocolate?"}
I would LOVE to hear from you and your thoughts about the challenges of motherhood. It doesn't matter if you're Christian or not, we're all in this together aren't we? I would love to be able to share some of this with the women from my church in the hope that they will be encouraged and validated. Of course, if you want to remain anonymous that is absolutely fine. If you have adult children - your perspective is priceless.
Let it rip ladies! We need you!
Love you more than my coffee plunger,
Meredy xo
Hi Meredith,
ReplyDeleteI don't have any great thoughts on motherhood- I am too tired for that! I am a Christian (We go to an evangelical Anglican church in Adelaide) and a mother, and going to weekly bible study and meeting with Christian friends is a big part of what keeps me going. I find the wisdom and perspective I get invaluable.
I often feel inadequate as a wife, friend, mother etc. However a friend has just written to me to remind me that God loves as I am and that I am not a failure to him.
I really enjoy your blog.
Hope the bible study goes well.
Amellia
I am a Christian, but don't go to church - i did, to my local but it refused to cater for my three kids in spite of me running mainly music and bringing many families in (but they never went to church) the day I returned to the work force and could not run the mainly music group, i was dropped like a hot potato - no one wanted to know me or my kids. My hubby is an atheist - and that makes it hard. As a mum, a christian - I totally worry about their understanding of the bible, too wounded to find a new church - I just pray like crazy that He will act in their hearts and what I have taught them may lead to a strengthening in their own faith.....I worry about not being a stronger Christian mum - a lot.
ReplyDeleteI also worry about getting the balance right - being there at the right times and leaving them to their own devices at the right time. I refuse to bring useless people into the world, so fostering independence in them is super important.
I worry about how i might of already damaged them. Yeah, I have cracked it in the past and said stuff I didn't mean that was really mean....I try to avoid these times but sometimes I crack. Doesn't everyone.
I worry that when I am a crap role model that they may notice.
I just last week finished a very full on job that was essentially crisis work - i have swapped it for a short contract to regain some time that may of otherwise been lost if i hadn't left my job after 3 years.
Ugh, i suck as a mum!!! But then again, I deep down don't think that at all - just feel it some days, because there are days when i am confided in, nurtured back, laughed at, laugh with and loved a whole heap and that is pretty good stuff!
gOSH Sorry about this epic comment - you sure hit a current nerve with me!!!
Ahhh Meredy... I think the Guilt and Inadequacy kick in as soon as the drugs wear off after they hand you that little bundle.
ReplyDeleteNo matter how hard we try, we always think there's more we could be doing, and worry that we are damaging our kids for life.
I am yet to meet a mother that does no second guess themselves or worry in this way.
Motherhood is the most amazing gift, while being the most terrifying challenge of my life so far - and I once worked with at-risk kids who were often stealing and doing drugs ad having run-ins with the cops. That was scary, sure. But at least they weren't MY kids. I was not the one who let them turn out that way.
My goal in life is to have kids who are great people. Respectful, kind, empathetic, generous.
I have a long way to go, and time is running out before those teenage years kick in...
Praying that mine won't be the ones on the drugs, and having run-ins with the cops.
Pleeeaaase....!
xx
first up - this quote is one every mother should have tattoo'd onto her somewhere "the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes self with everyone else's show -reels" herein lies the mothering dilemma we wear rose coloured glasses to look at other people's kids, home, marriage.... (except for the catastrope ones!) and then we look at ours through the smeared up lens of toothpaste, snot and full nappies.
ReplyDeleteI think Motherhood is a gift but the ribbon wrapped around the gift can leave you in a complete tangle for the rest of your life. I hope to learn from motherhood a fuller understanding of how complete and unconditional God's love is towards me and I think now I am starting to REALLY understand how I can do all things (not miracles and fame and fortune!- like I used to think that was about but ALL things) the mundane the tiring the disappointing all of THOSE things through Jesus. I think that is the gift of motherhood recognizing that my need is met when I am humble enough to let go of my own ability and receive what I haven't got enough of.
I love being a mother. I am not perfect but man my kids are awesome. The challenge I think is the same for all of us 1. to let go of comparison and 2. to allow the selfishness to be turned slowly but surely into something of more value than gold 3. to embrace that we are loved not because we achieve, succeed or arrive everywhere on time - we are loved because God loves us and to rest secure in that and not allow our own fears to have the right to rule in our heads or our hearts...
kinda rambly - not sure if any of that is helpful!!!
oooh you nailed it Miriam with your comment about getting tangled up in the ribbon and with your cracker about comparing our inner with everyone else's outer self.
Deletethanks!! :o)
DeleteI learn from mistakes, being a Mum creates oodles of opportunities. I can't get the juggle right but as long as the see saw keeps going at least sometimes I get the mothering right. The hardest thing I find is asking for help, especially when I really need it and the internal volcano is erupting. Taking a break ( eg leaving the family for 2.5 weeks to travel to Canada for a conference) gives perspective on how much I love Motherhood. I miss the chaos of kids at home, life without kids would be really bland. Motherhood is a great roller coaster ride xo Ro ps still an atheist
ReplyDeleteoh and not that I am hogging the comment space but!!! One of my major challenges is putting aside how much I care about my own reputation to advocate for my boys when I need to. Caring more about them than whether someone thinks I am....whatever they might think
ReplyDeleteJust really quickly as I have just a moment to type.
ReplyDeleteI would say live in the moment more with your kids. Just stop and sit and talk with them, watch them and *be* right there in the moment, as they just grow up so fast.
On the tough days go and watch them sleeping. There is no other joy quiet like it.
Also less of the motherguilt and more patting ourselves on the back and really, really recognising the amazing job we do as Mothers each and every day, even if society doesn't always recognise it.
I am sure others have put it so much better than me, but I am typing and dealing with arguing children and really must go bath and feed them!!
Hello, I just stumbled on your post and I sure love the idea of sharing our mothering views. We all learn from each other, don't you think? My boys are now nineteen and seventeen, and the best advice I ever got about mothering ended up changing my life. It was my mom's. She always told me "The house will be there tomorrow, go spend time with the kids." And despite all my type A worries about my messy kitchen etc..I did. And I have no regrets. Yes,my house was never the designer home, but boy, do we have fun memories! Lots of wonderful Halloween parties and sleepovers and what we call our "family nights" etc..and as trite as this warning sounds, those precious years do fly by. I write about these things at my blog. In fact, I wrote a post on this topic if you're interested... http://gwenmossblog.blogspot.com/2012/05/best-mothering-advice-i-ever-got-from.html
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Leslie (aka Gwen Moss blog)
I don't think I have any advice to offer but perhaps, keep offering yourself God's grace and mercy that you hold out to others and trust God to sort the rest of crap out.
ReplyDelete