You gotta love the way God plants hope in our hearts.
This inner-yearning which can triumph over all evidence to the contrary.
He's cool like that.
No matter how defeated I can feel, a few moments spent talking to Him can restore my jaded, weary spirit.
That's the way my week has been.
It's been one of those two steps forward/one step back type of weeks.
Our home has been filled with both laughs and tears.
I nearly did a celebratory post dedicated to a dinner mid-week that didn't end in tears and recriminations...I was SO happy!
The kids have been delightful one minute.....deplorable the next.
I've said things I'm not proud of:
"What is wrong with you??"
"Seriously. This is not normal behaviour."
"I've HAD the lot of you!!".
Parenting holds up such a high-definition mirror doesn't it?
Flaws. Inadequacies. Inconsistencies.
I hate that.
But I love that God gave us imagination and a faith-yearning.
How else can I explain that despite the way I left my house this morning, I fully expect that with a bit of tweaking, we can iron out our morning routine flaws and one day things will be better?
How else can I look at that child with anger issues who regularly turns our home into a battle-ground and think to myself....with some careful guidance and clever strategies and prayer, we shall overcome?
I'm so grateful that my childhood was filled with plenty of opportunities which nurtured my imagination and my faith...they've been my greatest ally in the war against depression and defeatism.
On the way to work this morning, just when I'd decided to settle in for a good pity-party, one of my favourite songs came on....U2's City of Blinding Lights. By the time I got to work, I was ready to stand on the roof of my car waving a cigarette lighter in appreciation. But, you know, it's hard to get on the roof of a people mover and I don't smoke....but the intent was there, it really was.
After giving myself a good talking to, following that song, I've decided to re-focus, re-imagine and re-ignite my dreams of how I want my family to live.
And I'm dreaming BIG, baby!!
Yes, I'll fail on a regular basis...and probably pretty spectacularly, but that won't stop me.
And if my imagination fails me, I've always got coffee and grace.
p.s. not even my laundry mountain will stop me...I'll just climb on top of it and plant a flag of Cath Kidston bunting to make it look pretty.