You gotta love the way God plants hope in our hearts.
This inner-yearning which can triumph over all evidence to the contrary.
He's cool like that.
No matter how defeated I can feel, a few moments spent talking to Him can restore my jaded, weary spirit.
That's the way my week has been.
It's been one of those two steps forward/one step back type of weeks.
Our home has been filled with both laughs and tears.
I nearly did a celebratory post dedicated to a dinner mid-week that didn't end in tears and recriminations...I was SO happy!
The kids have been delightful one minute.....deplorable the next.
I've said things I'm not proud of:
"What is wrong with you??"
"Seriously. This is not normal behaviour."
"I've HAD the lot of you!!".
Arghhh.
Parenting holds up such a high-definition mirror doesn't it?
Flaws. Inadequacies. Inconsistencies.
I hate that.
But I love that God gave us imagination and a faith-yearning.
How else can I explain that despite the way I left my house this morning, I fully expect that with a bit of tweaking, we can iron out our morning routine flaws and one day things will be better?
How else can I look at that child with anger issues who regularly turns our home into a battle-ground and think to myself....with some careful guidance and clever strategies and prayer, we shall overcome?
I'm so grateful that my childhood was filled with plenty of opportunities which nurtured my imagination and my faith...they've been my greatest ally in the war against depression and defeatism.
On the way to work this morning, just when I'd decided to settle in for a good pity-party, one of my favourite songs came on....U2's City of Blinding Lights. By the time I got to work, I was ready to stand on the roof of my car waving a cigarette lighter in appreciation. But, you know, it's hard to get on the roof of a people mover and I don't smoke....but the intent was there, it really was.
After giving myself a good talking to, following that song, I've decided to re-focus, re-imagine and re-ignite my dreams of how I want my family to live.
And I'm dreaming BIG, baby!!
Yes, I'll fail on a regular basis...and probably pretty spectacularly, but that won't stop me.
And if my imagination fails me, I've always got coffee and grace.
Meredy xo
p.s. not even my laundry mountain will stop me...I'll just climb on top of it and plant a flag of Cath Kidston bunting to make it look pretty.
Oh Meredy, bless you for your honesty, humour and heart.
ReplyDeleteLove it all!!
I am nodding along, because I kind of had a few of those moments myself with my kids this week. (what is going on? Full moon perhaps?)
I am going to dare to dream that once the tv goes off and everyone goes to get shoes, jumpers, bags on a school morning and I am doing a last dash to the loo that world war three will NOT break out and I will not have to end up screetching at my children about being gentle and using your words and "can we ever just get to school on time?!"
Thats my small but simple hope and then maybe I will join you on the roof of that mini van, waving that cigarette lighter. (even though I also do not smoke.)
Would perhaps a scented candle have the same affect waved in the air?
Keep on dreaming my friend and keep hope alive!
Love it. Can't wait to see a photo of the Cath Kidston bunting on top of the washing! Deep breath and here we go again. I'm so with you... and I've said ALL of those things to my kids and more!!!! Lots of love to you...
ReplyDeleteSx
You are fantastic Meredy - feel like I have this kind of day every day! Hope the weekend brings some peace and recharge! Hugs Leanne xx
ReplyDelete& my gorgeous friend, so far away, i will send you that cath K bunting!!!
ReplyDeletei'm all for embracing & ignoring the constant pile of washing- it WILL always be there, lets be honest, stand on the people mover with someone else's lighter and listen to endless U2 tracks...
if nothing else- the kids would definately give you a wide berth and some time to yourself!!
looove this post- i laughed out loud...we are so having coffee's & drinks when we eventually get home to Oz!!
melissa xx
Love, love, love your post! I had such a terrible week with so many such moments (now I feel like the worst mother in the world, always do when the kids are asleep, lol). Your post lifted me up and gave me hope to keep dreaming :-) Thank you Meredith!
ReplyDeleteDear Meredy,
ReplyDeleteOne can't be a mother without angst and feeling guilty.....it goes with the job I'm afraid.
I don't think that it would be normal if it was perfect all of the time. I still make mistakes and ours are 32 and 29 !!!!
I hope that you won't beat yourself up about it as I know that you are a wonderful mum and that it's all part of a learning curve.
Put U2 on and have a large cup of coffee.
Much love. XXXX
I loved this post Meredy and yes, bless you for your honesty.
ReplyDeleteI think, as Jackie says, we have all been there.
Recently all my mornings have been "challenging". And of course the minute I have dropped them at school, calm descends and I wonder why - again - I didn't handle things better. We are all only human though.
Every day I endeavour to try harder, do better, get it right more often. My only consolation is that I am sure every mother feels this way - and if we didn't, there would be something wrong with us.
Wish I could be there to share a large coffee and a song or two with you xxxx
Aye, aye ... We're all there with you there!
ReplyDeleteI seem to be forever telling my 4 year old ..." I've asked you 1000.0000 times to purleeeease put your shoes on..." it never gets easier, I'm never happy with how I react and wish I could always be calm ( I usually am, about 5 minutes afer said incident) ...
We choose our battles .. Some are easier than others.
Xx
Love your attitude Meredy! Some days we get it all right and others we just have to throw our hand in the air and hope for the best!
ReplyDeleteBest wishes Meredy :)
Jeanne xxx
Love your attitude Meredy! Some days we get it all right and others we just have to throw our hand in the air and hope for the best!
ReplyDeleteBest wishes Meredy :)
Jeanne xxx
Great post. HOPE is such a fantastic thing. xx
ReplyDeleteLovely post-inspirational actually. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteBest wishes for the rest of the week,
Natasha.